Date: Wed, 18 Feb 98

Category: MSR (marriage), MulderTorture, MulderAngst
Rating: PG13 for most of it re: language, but there is one section that is
NC17 for sexual content. The reader will be forewarned.
Spoilers: Through season 4

Summary: An unexpected incident results in a trip back into Mulder's
past, and the traumas he needs to face to make the return trip home to his
Archive: Yes.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully, as well as Maggie Scully, Bill & and
Walter Skinner belong to 10/13 productions and Chris Carter. Nana, on the
other hand, is mine. Since I have learned to play nice in the sandbox, I
am only borrowing CC's characters and promise to return them at the end of
the story. Honest. I promise. Believe me. Please, because I couldn’t
afford to be sued on my salary.

Introduction: This is the follow-up to "Life Cycles IX: Journey" by Susan
Proto & Vickie Moseley.

The stories are going in a chronological order, so for continuity's sake,
especially regarding this one, you will want to read the others first,
cause this one might throw you for a loop if you don't. Nana makes a
repeat appearance, and if you haven't seen her introduction in LC: Under
the Chuppah, you might want to check it out first. Then, by all means,
check out LC: Journey, the story that the FANTASTIC Vickie Moseley and I
collaborated on. All of the Life Cycles stories can be found on Shirley's
MulderTorture Series and Sequels site at:

Special Thanks: Once again to my cyber editor and friend, Vickie Moseley
for checking it over and sending me encouragement and feedback. Thank you
my friend, as I always trust your judgment.

Please! Send feedback! I crave feedback! I need feedback!

Life Cycles X: Trust
by Susan Proto (

Part 1/10

He had managed to keep it all together up till that one point. The
security guards kept checking in with the officer in charge. The officer
in charge kept inundating him with questions.

Meanwhile, he kept looking; he wanted to keep his eyes open, just in case
he could see him. If anyone had seen him.

It happened so fast. In the blink of an eye. He turned his head away for
an instant. He swore it was only an instant, when he turned his head and
suddenly didn't feel his small hand in his own any longer.

"Adam?" he had called out. Then, when he could not set his sights on his
eighteen month old son, he called out louder, "Adam?!" And then, when he
was quite sure his son, his child, was nowhere to be found, he shouted,
frantically this time, "ADAM! Where are you?"

It was then that the security guard had come over to see what the ruckus
was about. When he had explained that his baby, his son, was missing, the
security guard picked up his walkie talkie and ordered all of the doors
locked. The store would prevent anyone from leaving the premises until it
could be determined that the child was, indeed, not in the store.

A uniformed cop had appeared almost instantaneously. He was amazed, but
then had realized the police usually arrived sooner than soon when a child
was involved. The uniform had asked him all of the usual questions.

"Your name, Sir?" the officer had asked.

"Mulder. Fox Mulder," had been his reply.

"Your wife's name?" he had asked.

"Dana, Dana Scully-Mulder."

"Child's name?"

"Adam. Adam William Mulder," he had replied tremulously.


"Eighteen months. He's been walking since ten months. He's so fast. He
was right here. I turned my head for a second. I swear, it was only a
second," Mulder had lamented.

"Yes, Sir. Mr. Mulder? What was Adam wearing?" the officer had said in a
detached tone of voice.

"Wearing? Clothes?" Mulder had responded, now somewhat dazed. At seeing
the affirming nod from the cop, Mulder then described the toddler's

"Navy blue denim overalls. Red, blue, green, yellow, and white striped
polo shirt with a red collar and cuffs. White and blue Reebok sneakers
with Velcro strap closures. Red socks. Red cardigan sweater," he

"I'm impressed, Mr. Mulder. I can't even remember what _I_ have on
without looking," the officer had said with a slight smile.

"Photographic memory. Comes in handy sometimes," Mulder had responded.

"What about the child's physical features?" the officer then continued.

Mulder had worked very hard to compose himself so he could give the
correct information. His FBI training had become very apparent as he
described his son.

"Light brown hair, not too thick, but not really baby fine either. Cut
in a normal, little boy style, with bangs. He's got bluish-green eyes.
Kind of cross between his mother's and mine. He's got his mother's small
nose, thank God. He's got my smile though."
"Okay Mr. Mulder, just hang tight. Do you want to call your wife?" the
officer had asked.

"She's in the store somewhere. She wanted a chance to buy my present. My
birthday's coming up in a couple of weeks, and she didn't want to have to
deal with Adam while she searched for it," Mulder had explained.

"Why don't we page her then," he had answered and then turned to one of
the security guards milling about. "Would you please Mrs. Mulder over the
public address system. Apparently she's in the store. Hell, she may even
have the baby. You never know."

The next thing Mulder had heard was **Mrs. Dana Scully-Mulder to the
security office, please. Mrs. Dana Scully-Mulder to the security office,

It had taken a little less than twenty minutes before Mulder had heard his
wife's voice. "Mulder? Mulder? What's going on? They told me Adam is
missing. Mulder? He's with you, isn't he? Mulder? Fox? Please, tell me
what's going on," she had rambled on anxiously.

"Dane? I had his hand in mine. I turned my head for a second. I swear,
it was only a second, and the next thing I know , I don't feel his hand in
mine anymore. I looked over to where he was supposed to be and he wasn't
there. I swear, Dane, I looked away only a second. I started calling for
him, but he didn't answer me. The security guard came over almost
immediately and ordered a lock down of the store. If he's still in the
store, Dane they'll find him. I swear, we'll find him."

He had been understandably upset throughout the entire ordeal. After all,
his young toddler son was missing. Mulder had been, however, holding it
together enough to give the necessary information to the security officers
and the uniformed cops in order to best equip them to find his son.

Until she had allowed her anxiety and fear get the better of her. Until
she had said the words that had haunted him for so many years.

And said them in a way that was all too familiar to his ears.

"Fox! How could you lose him? How could you lose my baby?"

It was at that moment that Mulder flashed back to another time when he was
accused of losing someone's baby. Mulder's facial expression literally
crumbled before everyone's eyes. His pupils became dilated, and his lips
began to tremble. As she stood there, and looked at him with an
accusatory glare, he looked back and found himself unable to visually
focus on her. He also could no longer understand what she was now saying

All he could hear, over and over, was *You lost my baby. How could you
lose my baby!* And all he could see was the face of a young woman with
long dark hair, who wore an expression of anger and hurt and fear, and
then that face became Dana's and then it melted back into that of his own

Mulder's body swayed at this point and then, like his face, his whole body
crumpled before them. He found himself, out of self-preservation just
like that night so many years ago, curl himself up into a tight ball and
withdraw into himself. He found himself going deeper and deeper. He had
to escape the accusations. He had to escaped the anger. He had to escape
the truth. He lost his sister. He lost his son.

The security guard moved quickly in an attempt to break the fall of the
tall, bereft father, while the police officer took the arm of the mother
in an attempt to calm her down.

"Mrs. Mulder, kids do this. They slip out of our hands and wander off.
I'm sure that's what happened here. Don't blame your husband, Ma'am. He's
real upset by this too, you know."

"Oh God, I just want my baby. Please, bring me back my baby," she cried.

Meanwhile, the security guard was trying to comfort Mulder, but found he
was not succeeding.

"Sir? Mr. Mulder? Are you okay?" the guard asked. Upon receiving very
little in the way of a response, he repeated his question while physically
drawing the man's face toward him. "Mr. Mulder? Mr. Mulder, can you

When he received no response, the guard looked over to one of the other
men and stated, "Hey Johnson? Come here for a minute. I don't like the
looks of this. This guy was fine five minutes ago, and now I can't get
him to talk or look at me. Something's not right here."

Johnson walked over and took a look at the missing child's father and saw
him go into what appeared to be a mild seizure. "Just roll him onto his
side and let him ride it out. It's probably stress related, you know?"

While the two security guards played doctor, the real MD in the crowd was
too busy looking in her purse for pictures of her son to notice her
husband was in obvious physical distress. She was in an all too human
state of panic, because she knew the greater the amount of time that
passed, the less likely the victim would be found alive.

Scully now berated herself for leaving the baby with Mulder. She berated
herself for not having a more up to date picture on her person. She
berated herself for not being a better mother. She ranted and railed on
about everything important and about nothing important. All she wanted
was her child back, safe and sound.

"We got him!" someone suddenly shouted. "We found him! He was hiding in
the men's dressing room. We found him!" A tall burly man in uniform
bounded towards the anxious crowd, looking somewhat awkward carrying a
small child wearing a red cardigan and blue jean overalls. When he saw
his mother, he began to cry out, "Mommy! Mommy!"

Dana looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. "Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Adam!
Oh, Adam," she repeated over and over again, as she took the little boy
who nestled right into her neck. "Oh sweetheart, you scared me so. Are
you okay? Oh my sweet little boy. Oh, Adam, oh Adam."

The security guard, Allan Brighton was his name, that had first noticed
Mulder falling to the floor, leaned over to make sure that Mulder knew
his son had been found.

"Hey, Mr. Mulder. Adam's okay. They found him and he's just fine. He
wandered into the men's dressing room and was hiding, but he's here right
now. Your wife's got him in her arms right now. Mr. Mulder? Hey, Mr.
Mulder? Are you okay?" Brighton looked more closely at the man who was
now curled up in a ball, and though Brighton had no more than two years at
a local community college, he knew you didn't need a medical degree to
realize something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong indeed.

"Mrs. Mulder?" Brighton called out loudly in an attempt to catch her
attention. "Mrs. Mulder, please. I think something's wrong with your

Dana was jerked out of her revelry when the security guard said something
was wrong with her husband. "Mulder? What? What's wrong?"

"He's not talking to anyone. He's not responding, ma'am. But I don't
think he's unconscious. Please, ma'am. I think we'd better call for an
ambulance," he said tentatively.

Dana knelt down next to her husband and saw he was definitely not
responding to any stimuli. Even Adam, who now playfully pulled on
Mulder's jacket and arm and then even his hair, could not get a reaction
from him.

"Oh my God," Dana gasped. "Mulder, where are you?"

End of part 1/10


Life Cycles X: Trust
by Susan Proto (

Disclaimers in Part 1

Part 2/10

As she watched her husband lifted up onto the gurney, Dana Scully-Mulder
held their son, Adam, and murmured over and over, "It's going to be fine,
it's going to be just fine."

Anyone watching her would have thought she was whispering the mantra for
the benefit of the eighteen month old child she held in her arms, or for
the patient himself. In reality, it was for herself. She realized, as
Mulder disappeared into the ambulance, that it was because of her he was
in the condition he was in.

*How could I have been so unthinking?* she admonished herself silently.
*How could I have said that to him?* she chided herself mutely. *How
could I have been so cruel to have even thought he could have__,* she
berated herself before she was interrupted by the EMT.

"Mrs. Mulder? We're going to Georgetown University Hospital, so if we
lose you, you'll know where to find us," he said.

"No! I want to go with you in the ambulance," Scully argued.

"Ma'am, it wouldn't be safe for the baby. We'll be traveling at a fairly
good clip, and we don't have any provisions for child safety seats.
Please, follow us with the baby safely in his car seat."

Scully looked down at Adam and realized the EMT was absolutely correct,
but it disturbed her that Mulder would be traveling to the hospital
without her inside the ambulance while en route. She worried that he
might wake up from his ___, from his ___. Scully wasn't even sure what it
was exactly he might awake from.

Was it a psychotic state? Was it Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome? Was it
simply a state of shock at the notion that his son was missing? Was he
physically not feeling well and collapsed from discomfort? What was she
going to find when she met her husband in the emergency room?


As she shifted Adam's weight from one hip to the other, she simultaniously
moved the phone from one ear to the other too. She listened to the
ringing at the other end with more and more distress, as she realized it
was more and more likely that there was no one at the other end to pick

"Damn it," she responded to the prerecorded message of the answering

**You have reached the Scully home. I'm sorry we can't get to the phone
right now, but please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as
possible. BEEEEEP.**

As Scully listened to the message she mused to herself about how her mom
recorded the message using the plural pronoun instead of the singular.
She wondered if it were intentional to act as a safeguard against the
crazies of the world who prey upon single women, or if she still
considered her family unit as a part of that house. She suspected it was
most likely the latter.

"Mom, it's Dana. I need your help. Please," her voice broke a little at
this point. She took a deep breath and continued, "I need you to come get
Adam at Georgetown University Hospital. We're in the emergency room.
Please, come as _____."

"__Dana? Dana is that you?" asked the anxious male voice.

"Bill?" Dana questioned with surprise.

"Yeah, it's me. What's going on?" he asked.

"Bill, where's Mom?" she asked with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"According to the note she left me, she's out with Walter Skinner. Mom
knew I was flying in tonight, but neither one of us was sure what time I'd
be in, but since I had a key, she knew she didn't have to stay home
waiting for me.

"Dana," Bill continued, "what's going on? Why are you at the hospital?
Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said in a monotone. "It's Fox. He collapsed at the mall
and was brought here by ambulance."

"Collapsed? Dana, how? Why?" Bill started to query, but Dana cut him

"Bill, I don't want to go into it over the phone. You said Mom was out
with Walter? I'll call him on his cell. I'll speak to you later." Dana
hung up on her older brother, as she hadn't wanted to discuss Mulder's
problems with him.

Her relationship with her older brother remained somewhat tenuous ever
since he and two old high school acquaintances got so drunk that all of
them lost all sense of reason and nearly beat Mulder to death. Her
husband refused to press charges against Bill, as he hadn't wanted to
cause his mother in law and the rest of the Scully family, _his_ family,
any undue stress.

Dana was adamantly opposed to dropping the charges, but acquiesced to her
husband's wishes because _he'd_ been through so much trauma already, that
she didn't want to seemingly punish him anymore. Besides, Bill actually
helped Mulder through a hellish hypertension episode, so Dana felt there
was some hope for him after all.

But, things never quite got back to normal. Their relationship remained
tenuous at best, and Mulder and Bill never did connect again in the same
way they had while Mulder was in the hospital.
So discussing Mulder's condition and the reasons that precipitated his
need to go to the hospital was not an option in Scully's mind.

Maggie Scully and Walter Skinner were another story. As she dialed Walter
Skinner's cell, she prayed she was not interrupting anything that could
prove too embarrassing later. Adam, meanwhile, started squirming around
making it difficult for Dana to maintain a good hold on him. As she
awkwardly lowered him to the floor, she prayed she would hear ringing and
not a message relaying the fact that the cell was not in service at this

She heard ringing and then heard the low, baritone voice of her boss and
of her mother's significant other. "Walter, it's Dana," she responded.
"I'm sorry to bother you."

"It's Dana," she heard him say to her mother. "Do you need to talk to me
or your mother?" he asked directly to Scully.

"My mom_, please_,"she replied with a definite hitch in her voice.

"Maggie, she needs you," Scully heard him say urgently. At that very
moment, she realized how much she actually appreciated Walter Skinner.

"Dana? Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Maggie asked anxiously.

"Mom? Mom, I need you to come get Adam. I'm sorry if I'm ruining your
date. Oh God, tell Walter I'm sorry too, but I don't want to have to deal
with Adam while I'm waiting to find out about Mulder__," she began.

"Dana, where are you? What about Fox?" Maggie asked all in a rush.

"Georgetown University Hospital. Fox collapsed at the mall today, and he
was brought by ambulance to the ER," she explained in a relatively even
voice. She was attempting to go into doctor mode, in an effort to detach
herself from the situation so she might actually explain to her mother
what had happened.

"Collapsed? Oh my God, Dana! Not his heart, is it?" Maggie exclaimed,
remembering all too well how her own beloved Captain collapsed and died
from a fatal heart attack not all that long ago.

"No, Mom. It's not a heart attack. It's hard to explain_," she began,
wondering how the hell she was going to explain the fact that it was _she_
that caused his collapse because for all of her supposed intelligence, she
had the common sense and compassion of a newt.

Just then, Dana saw one of the ER physicians walking toward her. "Mom,
the doctor's finally coming to talk to me. Please, would you come down to
get Adam? He's getting so fidgety," she elaborated.

"We're dining nearby, Sweetheart. We'll be there in about fifteen
minutes," Maggie replied.

"Thanks, Mom, and tell Walter thanks for me." With that she hung up and
looked toward the nearing doctor.

"Mrs. Mulder?" he asked.

"How is he?" she asked without hesitation.

"He's still in what appears to be a catatonic like state, Mrs. Mulder.
We're getting ready to admit him to psych," he replied.

"No! Wait, please. Is there anyway you can avoid psych?" she asked

"Ma'am, I wouldn't know where else to send him in the condition he's in."

"Well, couldn't you just admit him to a regular hospital room on a medical
floor?" she asked.

"Mrs. Mulder, didn't you hear me? Your husband is in a catatonic like
state. He needs specialized treatment," he emphasized.

Dana looked at the doctor with a feeling of desperation. If Mulder were
admitted to the Psych ward, there was a very real possibility that it
could effect any attempt to return to Field Agent status when he

*When he recovered,* she thought to herself. *He will recover, he will
recover, he will recover__.*

"Mrs. Mulder? Mrs. Mulder? Please, we need you to fill out some forms,"
the doctor said.

"No psych ward," Dana said firmly. "Until we're absolutely sure that
drastic of a step is warranted, no psych ward. Please, understand,
Doctor. I do not mean to trivialize my husband's condition nor your
opinion of his condition.

"Do you know what he does for a living, Doctor?" she continued.

"He's some kind of police officer, isn't he?" he responded.

"He a Special Agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I am too.
We're both FBI agents, Doctor. If he were to be admitted to the
psychiatric ward, and that information went into the wrong hands, it could
effect his field agent status," she answered.

"But Mrs. Mulder, if that is what he needs to recover__," the doctor

"__If," she interrupted. "That's the operative word here, isn't it?
__If__ that's what he needs to recover. Wouldn't it be possible to treat
him off of the psych ward? Please. It could mean the difference between
being forced into something he shouldn't be forced into doing and having
his career back. Please," she pleaded as she reached down to pick up Adam
once again.

The doctor looked at the earnest expression on her face and then turned to
see the hazel eyed toddler clinging to her neck. He saw in this child's
eyes the expressiveness that was missing from the empty look his father's
eyes showed.

There was person behind those empty eyes, with a life and a family, and
if there was anything he could do to make coming back to that life more
expedient he wanted to do it. But, if that expediency meant ripping the
rug from underneath them all and taking the life, as they knew it, away
from them, then what was the rush?

"Okay Mrs. Mulder, we'll try it your way for a couple of days, but if
there is any change for the worse then he is immediately moved to psych,
all right?" he offered.

"Yes. Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for understanding," Scully replied.

"I still need you to fill out about a million forms, Mrs. Mulder," the
doctor said.

"As soon as my mother arrives to pick up Adam, I'll be available for
forms. But first, I would like Adam to see his daddy before he leaves
with his grandma." Dana began moving toward the small examination room,
when she heard the doctor call out to her.

"Mrs. Mulder, do you think that's wise? For the baby to see his father
like this, I mean?" he asked.

"Doctor, he's his father. He has to know that the man lying in there is
his father and that he loves him no matter what." And with that, Dana
Scully-Mulder walked straight into the examining room that held her
husband's unresponsive body.

End of part 2/10

Life Cycles X: Trust
by Susan Proto (

Part 3/10

She gasped when she entered the room. She didn't know what to expect, but
she certainly hadn't expected this. Her husband, her intelligent, strong,
stubborn, handsome, inquisitive husband, laid before her curled up in a
fetal position with his eyes wide open but seeing nothing.

Dana was frightened. She was more frightened at the sight of him today
than the last time he was hospitalized when he suffered the bruises and
gashes and swollen eyes and stitches and even the damned internal bleeding
of his kidney. Those were visible hurts. Those were wounds that could be
healed with a band aid or an aspirin or shot of antibiotics.

How would she be able to heal a hurt that can't be seen? How would she be
able to help her husband overcome this latest trauma? A trauma caused by
her own unthinking, unfeeling, foolish mouth. She walked up to her
husband's side and gently touched his cheek. Dana found it more and more
difficult to see as tears began to fall down her cheeks in earnest.

"Da_, Da_," called out Adam, as he tried in vain to reach over to his
father. Scully shifted the child's weight on her hip so that he was able
to lean forward and give Mulder a kiss. Finally, she didn't have the
strength to hold onto the squirming little body any longer, and she gently
laid the brown haired child in the bed with his father.

"Da_," Adam said softly, as he gently touched his father's cheek.

Scully watched the scene unfold and wondered what she could do to bring
Adam's father back to him. The guilt she felt began to weigh very heavily
on her as she recalled the words she spat at him earlier that day.

*Fox! How could you lose him? How could you lose my baby?*

"Oh God, Fox. I didn't mean it. Please, you have to believe me, I didn't
mean it," she cried out. After several moments passed, Dana took a deep
breath and sighed, "We Scully's are just not good for your health, are we

"You don't really believe that, mine shayner maydelah, do you?" asked the
softly accented voice.

"Of course I believe it," Dana responded automatically. "The last time he
was in the hospital it was because of my brother, and now__, now, it's
because of me," she confessed plaintively.

"No maydelah, it's not because of you. You mustn't blame yourself," the
soft voice comforted.

"But__," Dana paused to look up and see from whom the familiar voice was
coming from. "Oh my God. Nana?" she asked incredulously.

"Nu? Who else would be able to sneak in here without the doctors noticing
me?" Nana retorted.

"Oh Nana, help me. Please, bring him back to me," Dana cried out, and
with that the elderly figure rose and walked over to put her arms around
the younger woman.

"Shhh, shhh, he'll be fine. It will take some time, but he will be fine,"
Nana said.

"Nana, please, do something for him now. Please, we've got to bring him
back," Dana pleaded.

"Dana, sweet girl, listen to Nana. It took a long time for him to get to
this point. We have to give him some time to heal. Just know, it's not
your fault, sweet thing. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and it
just so happens that the time for it to happen was now. It doesn't make
it feel any better, but you must understand that anyone, or anything,
could have triggered this."

"Nana," Dana whispered, "I'm scared. I'm scared he won't come back. I'm
scared he won't want to come back to us."

"You know, he may think it would be easier to stay where he is. But, mine
shayner maydelah, that's why Nana is here. To make sure that doesn't
happen," she replied confidently.

Nana heard the footsteps first, but Dana was the one to verbally
acknowledge them. When she looked up and turned around she saw her
mother and Walter in the doorway.

"Mom?" Dana called out plaintively.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm here. We're here," she answered as she hurried over to
where her daughter stood. She enveloped her into her arms and Dana felt
her safety net was with her again. Walter stood very close to the two of
them, and Dana reached out to grab hold of Walter's hand. He clutched
hers firmly in return in an attempt to show her he was there for her and
Mulder as well.

Finally, Dana looked over at the shadowy figure by the head of Mulder's
bed and spoke.

"Mom? Walter? Can you see who is here?" Dana asked tentatively.

"Who is here__?" Maggie echoed as she raised her head to look around the
room. She saw her beautiful grandson crawling around the inert body of
his daddy, trying in vain to rouse him. She looked behind her and saw
Walter, the man that had become a very important part of her life in the
last few years. They were not, however, who her daughter was talking
about, of that she was sure.

Maggie turned her head a shade to her left and saw the quick movement.
Suddenly, before her materialized the beautiful silver grey hair which
was pulled back into a beautifully intricate french braid. The simple,
yet surprisingly stylish, black dress which draped comfortably on her,
not too big, not too small. Then there were the shoes, a pair of black,
soft leather, lace-ups, which were her one concession to her advanced

"Nana," Maggie acknowledged with a smile. Walter looked over with a
knowing smile as well, for he too saw the loving grandmother from Fox
Mulder's past.

Walter voiced everyone's feelings. "You're here to help Fox." It was a
statement, not a question.

"Nu, why else would I be here? Except maybe to finally meet my beauty-ful
great grandson?" Nana asked, beaming.

Dana smiled for the first time in about two hours. Nana's endearing way
of pronouncing the word 'beautiful' was always something that caused
Mulder to break out into an enormous grin. She knew he loved his
grandmother, his Nana, very much, and if anyone could lead him on the
journey back to her, she could.


They had only just moved him into the private room about forty minutes ago
when an attendant arrived to inform them they were taking Mulder down for
a CAT scan. Though both Maggie and Walter wanted to stay with her, Scully
told them to take the now very cranky Adam home with them and she would
call them as soon as she had any word on the test results. They in turn
informed her they would be back in shifts to wait with her.

Scully felt Nana's presence walking beside her as they accompanied Mulder
on the elevator trip to the floor where he would undergo the CAT scan.

"This will not be easy for him, you know," Nana said softly.

"What do you mean, Nana?" Scully whispered back. To anyone watching the
young woman they would have imagined her whispering barely audible words
of prayer or encouragement to her husband.

"He's escaped to a place that is safe for him right now. In order to help
him come back to you in the here and now, he's going to have to leave that
safe place. Dana, he's going to have to revisit the fears and the reasons
behind those fears before he can return to you and Adam," she explained

"Nana, I don't understand. What do you mean visit the reasons behind the
fear?" Dana asked anxiously.

"Shayner Maydelah, he needs to understand what triggers his fears that
make him need to go into the safe part of his heart and mind, before he
can leave it forever behind," Nana replied patiently.

"Ohmigod," Dana said, her hands beginning to tremble in reaction to the
real meaning behind Nana's words. "He's going to relive whatever it was
he tried to escape from. He's going to relive it all over again."

"Yes, sweet girl. He needs to relive it. All of it. All over again, and
it will be very hard for him, but it will be very hard for you too. You
are going to feel extremely helpless in not being able to
help him escape the pain. But that's the point maydelah, he needs to feel
the pain again so that he can learn that it is a pain from the past and
can no longer harm him.

"Will you be strong enough to help him get past the pain without breaking
down yourself, Dana?" she asked in all seriousness.

"I'm strong, Nana. I'll be as strong as Mulder needs me to be," Scully
answered in kind.

The older woman placed her hand gently on the pale cheek of her
grand-daughter-in-law. It was wonderful that Dana was able to feel the
energy of the long deceased woman who managed to help her grandson when he
was in a serious crisis. It was equally remarkable that the old woman was
able to feel the warmth and energy emanating from the younger one. *It
feels good to touch and be touched,* thought both women.

"I need to go," Nana said.

"But they're getting ready to do the CAT scan, Nana," Dana responded in a
surprised voice.

"I know, dear. That's precisely why I need to go. I need to be there for
him. He's going to need someone, and you can't go where he is right
now," explained Nana.

"Take care of him, Nana," was all Dana could say.

"We'll both take care of him, sweet girl. We both will," she replied and
within an instant she was gone.


"It's time to begin the first round of tests. Do you understand young
man?" the tall, round faced, Asian man asked.

"I don't want to take no tests. Let me go," the pre-teen growled angrily
as he strained against the wrist and ankle straps that bound his limbs to
the narrow gurney. As he thrashed about he felt three additional straps
fastened around him.

The first was affixed around his forehead which prevented him from lifting
his head up and down or from side to side. The other two were brought
across his chest and thighs. To his horror, the young man suddenly
realized he was lying on the gurney, naked, for all eyes to see.

Though his body was just about finished with the final stages of puberty,
Fox Mulder, like any pre-teen, was still extremely uncomfortable with his
new body and the additional body hair and reactions to various stimuli it
went through. The idea that strangers were examining his nude body from
head to toe without so much as a discreet sheet for some semblance of
privacy made him shudder in horror.

"I'm cold," he said, in a desperate attempt to acquire some kind of
coverage for his vulnerable body.

"We'll increase the temperature in here. Now, you must be quiet, or you
will only lengthen the amount of time it takes to complete the tests. Do
you understand, young man?" It was the round faced, Asian man again.

Fox nodded mutely. He decided to close his eyes and try to think of
something or someone that was pleasant that would allow him to get his
mind off of this situation. He felt a kind of pressure on his extremities
as well as on his torso and face. Though this pressure was uncomfortable,
it was not unbearable.

However, the next area was unnerving for the youngster. He flinched
noticeably when he felt pressure on his genitals. Though there was no
actual pain, it was a sensation that caused Fox great discomfort. Since
he'd gone through puberty, his body had gone through many changes, and one
of the biggest was the appearance of genital hair and wet dreams.

He remembered waking up mornings and finding his pajama bottoms moist and
sticky with a whitish, creamy substance. Since it was impossible for him
to discuss this with his mother or father, he'd gotten some books out of
the library and learned these were all very normal reactions, but it
disconcerted him nonetheless.

So it appalled him when he felt a pressure on his penis and scrotum. He
wasn't even comfortable enough with his body to think about his body parts
by the more vulgar labels.

As suddenly as the pressure on his genitals began, it stopped. Fox felt
relieved and hoped it was a sign that he would now be allowed to go home.

"Can I go now?" Fox requested softly.

"We're not done with the tests yet, Fox. Are you ready to proceed,
Doctor?" asked the unfamiliar voice.

"But I want to go home now," the youngster whimpered.

Fox then heard someone grunt, which he realized may have been someone's
way of saying 'yes'. It was the next moment that Fox sought the one
person who'd always provided him a safe haven.

"Nana!" he screamed in response to the intense pain he felt throughout his
entire body.

End of Part 3/10

Life Cycles X: Trust
by Susan Proto (

Disclaimers in part 1

Part 4/10

"Nana!" he screamed again and again. The pain permeated throughout his
entire body. Though it varied in its intensity, it remained continuous
for an interminably long period of time.

"Nana," he cried out over and over again. "Nana, where are you?"

The odd assortment of medical personnel that surrounded the youngster
ignored his plaintive pleas for comfort. The tests were required to see
how much of the project's goals had been achieved, and if it meant that
the boy was going to have to go through some discomfort, than so be it.
Even the child's father agreed to that.

He was there. William Mulder was there to witness it all. To witness the

"Can't you give him something to quiet him down. I don't need to hear him
calling for that woman," he demanded angrily.

"Mulder, you know we can't give him anything because it might compromise
the results of the test. Now calm yourself down, or you'll be asked to
leave," voiced the round faced, Asian man.

"Why don't you come wait over here, Bill?" asked the tall, thin man in the
corner. "Piece of gum?" he offered.

"Gum?" Bill Mulder asked.

"Trying to quit the smokes," the tall thin man replied.

"Obviously you just started to try. You still reek of the smell, for
crying out loud," Bill observed disdainfully.

"Like you don't?" he retorted.

"Would you two please take your school boy repartee outside so we can
concentrate on the tests?" called out the short, thin faced man with the
German accent.

When father and best friend were finally quieted down, the medical staff's
attention was finally brought back to the child strapped down on the
gurney. One of the staff members took a marking pen and drew circles on
the specific areas they needed to take tissue samples from.

First he drew a circle on the child's right and left shoulder. Next, on
the upper arm of the left arm and on the forearm of both arms. He then
proceeded to mark areas on the neck, chest and stomach. When he finished
marking those areas, he then moved down toward the young man's lower
limbs, and marked areas on both of his thighs and calves. He even marked
areas on the soles of the pre-teen's feet. Finally, he inked a circle on
each testicle.

The medical staff proceeded to take a tissue sample from each of the areas
marked. They checked off each are on the prescribed checklist and duly
noted the correct area from which the tissue sample was excised on the
container in which it was kept.

The boy was given no anesthesia for fear it would compromise the results
of the project's experiment. The doctors made sure their surgical
implements were as sharp as possible to reduce the intensity of pain the
boy would feel, but there was no way they could possibly eliminate it
without the use of anesthesia.

After the fifth or sixth cut, Fox no longer reacted to the pain. He found
if he cleared his mind and put all of his energy into remembering the one
place he felt safe, he could block out the pain of the incisions that were
being made all over his body.

Though it took awhile, he finally began to smell the familiar odors of his
Nana's kitchen. The oil was bubbling in the pan on the hot gas burner.
He saw the small mounds of potato crackling brown inside the pan. He
moved toward the pan and reached up and touched it.

"Owww!" Fox cried out at the pain on his hand.

"No, Fox! You mustn't touch that sweetheart, it's too hot," called the
sweetly comforting voice. Nana walked over to him and quickly kissed the
abused hand.

"Nana, it hurts. It hurts. Make it stop hurting. Why does it hurt so
much?" he cried.

"I don't know sweetheart, but you have to get through it. I'm with you,
Fox. I'll be right there with you," she said.

"No, Nana. Don't make me go back, please don't make me go," he cried.
"It hurts. I don't want them to hurt me."

"Come sweet boy, let's go together. We have to get through this so they
won't hurt you anymore. Come, hold Nana's hand. I'll help you, mine
sweet boy." Nana took hold of the young Fox's hand and squeezed it



Dana turned around to see her brother standing in the doorway of the
waiting room. "Bill. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Mom and Mr. Skinner came back to the house with Adam. They told me to
come over and stay with you until one of them is able to get back here,"
he replied.

"Oh." Dana looked at her fingers as they alternately intertwined with one
another and then unraveled again. "Fox is having a CAT scan done."

"Dana, what happened?" her brother asked gently. "I don't understand.
Mom couldn't explain it. She just said he collapsed."

"He did collapse," Dana agreed.

"But from what, Dana?" he questioned.

"From shock," she whispered in reply.

"I don't understand."

"Oh Bill, I'm not sure why, okay? All I know is I opened my big mouth and
he collapsed. He collapsed because of me, okay? Are you happy now?" she
cried out angrily.

"Whoa, Dana. Take it easy, okay? I just flew in from the west coast this
evening, so you can't blame this one on me, so just calm down." Bill
paused for a moment or two to catch his breath and to give his sister a
chance to take one.

"Now, exactly what the hell are you talking about?" Bill Scully asked with
more of an edge than even he had expected.

"Oh Bill, I'm sorry. Of course I'm not blaming you. It's not you__, it's
me. It's _my_ fault, damn it. _My_ fault!" she bemoaned.

"Talk to me little sister. What happened?" he now asked with compassion
in his voice.

Scully then went on to explain in detail the events that had transpired
that day, everything from wanting some time on her own to find Mulder's
gift to leaving Adam with him and coming to find that Adam was missing and
her reacting to that news with those damning words.

*Fox! How could you lose him? How could you lose my baby?*

"How could I have said that to him, Billy? What could have ever possessed
me to say those words to him?" she lamented helplessly.

"Dana, your love for your child, that's what. You didn't say them knowing
they would cause Mulder to collapse on you, you said them because you're a
mother who was worried sick about her missing child. Stop beating
yourself up over this. It's not your fault.

"For crying out loud, Dana, let's face it. Mulder's never exactly been
the totally stable one of the family, has he?" Bill asked. "I mean, he's
been known to go off the deep end before, hasn't he?"

"No, not like this. He's never gone off like this, at least not
since____," she hesitated.

"Not since when, Dana?" Bill probed.

"Not since his sister disappeared. He apparently was in some kind of
catatonic state for a week or so after she'd been abducted," she
explained. "But that was so very long ago."

"And since then? Has he ever been in one of those catatonic states
before?" Bill asked.

"No, not until apparently today. But Bill, that's what's so unbelievable
about the whole thing," she exclaimed.
"Everything has been going so incredibly well! We haven't been happier.
Adam is thriving, we're doing well at work.

"Since we'd gotten married, it seems to have given us a new legitimacy at
the Bureau. Damn it, Bill! We've actually gained some respect among our
peers. I mean other agents have been actually seeking our opinion on
cases, and not on the QT either. They've openly acknowledged that our
opinion was needed and welcomed!

"So I don't understand why this has happened now. I don't understand why,
after all the shit we've been through, and all of the perfectly
understandable reasons he would have had to hare out, he chooses this
time, when things have been going perfectly wonderful, to lose it like
this. Why now?" she asked plaintively.

"For that very reason, shayner maydelah. He was happy," she answered
from the corner of the room.

"Nana? Is that you? Where's Fox?" Dana called out.

"Who the hell are you talking to, Dana?" asked Bill nervously. It was bad
enough having his brother-in-law go loony toons on him, he was damned if
he was going to watch his sister become a nutcake too.

"Bill, shhh! Nana, why aren't you with Fox?" Dana asked anxiously.

"They're finished with their 'dog' test," Nana replied.

"You mean CAT scan, Nana," Dana corrected with a slight smile, but then
more seriously she asked, "How is he?"

"It was hard for him, sweet girl. I won't lie, it was very hard. He was
remembering things that no man should ever have to remember going through
at any age, much less as a child," Nana responded.

"Oh God, is he all right now? Did he awaken?" Dana asked tremulously.

"No sweet girl, he still needs to feel safe. He hasn't' returned yet,"
she answered carefully.

"But when, Nana? When will he come back to me? When will he feel safe
with me again?" cried Dana.

"I don't know, maydelah. I honestly don't know."


Bill watched cautiously as they wheeled Mulder back into the hospital
room. The last time he witnessed such a scene was when he and his former
high school chums had beaten Mulder to a bloody pulp. This time, however,
was different. Mulder looked fine, which is what was the most
disconcerting of all.

There wasn't a bruise or a mark on him, if you didn't count the little
connectors glued to his head and chest to monitor his brain waves and
heartbeat. The nurse was getting the paraphernalia together needed to
start an IV or two.

The nurse then excused herself for a few minutes, having explained she
needed to get a new IV stand as the rings were missing from the one in the
*Well, if anything brings him out of this, the nurses poking and prodding
him with needles will,"* Bill mused.

"What the hell do you find so funny, Bill?" Dana asked venomously as she
moved to sit next to her husband. She grasped his hand and gently
massaged it in an effort to somehow let him know that she was there for
him. She was always there for him.

Bill, on the other hand, hadn't even been aware that he was chuckling
aloud, but knew he had to explain to his sister quickly that he wasn't
taking his brother-in-law's condition lightly.

"No, Dana, I wasn't__, I mean I was, but not____, oh shit. Dana, I was
just remembering how much Mulder fought the nurses when it was time to
draw blood or whatever. I was just thinking if anything would 'wake' him
up, it would be because some nurse was jabbing a needle into him, that's
all," he said in an attempt to explain himself.

Dana smiled at that. "You're right. Maybe we just need to ask the nurses
to keep poking and prodding him in order to royally piss him off," she
remarked softly.

"Yeah, Dane, maybe," he answered.

Scully's head went up with a jerk. "What did you say?" she asked with a

"I said yeah."

"No, what did you call me?" she asked.

"Dana, I guess."

"No, you called me 'Dane'. Don't call me that again, Billy. Do you
understand? Don't you ever call me that." Dana turned her face away so he
wouldn't see the new crop of tears start to fall.

"Dana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. Really."
He sat glumly with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.
"God, that's two things I have to avoid calling you," he muttered.

"Two things?" Dana looked perplexed at her brother's latest comment.

"Yeah, you tell me I can't call you 'Dane' and Charlie told me I couldn't
call you 'Starbuck'," he mumbled.

"Oh. He was right, you know," she responded quietly.

"Yeah, Dana. I know. You both were," Bill Scully responded in kind.
Several minutes passed before Bill spoke again. He looked at Dana and
took a deep breath.

"Dana, who were you speaking to before, in the waiting room?"

"Nana," she responded succinctly, and then brushed her hand over Mulder's
forehead to move the hair out of his eyes. Mulder's eyes had closed a
while ago, but he was still unresponsive to the stimuli Dana continuously
tried to supply.

"Nana, who?" he ask, more confused than ever.

"Nana. Mulder's Nana. We met her before the wedding, when Mulder became
ill with appendicitis," she explained.

"Jeeze, Dana, do you notice a pattern here, or what?" Bill asked in
exasperation. "The man is a walking invitation to the emergency room."
When he noticed the not so amused expression on his sister's face, he
continued exploring the identity of Nana.

"So, how come I couldn't see her or hear her, and where the hell is she
now?" he asked brusquely.

"It's hard to explain, Bill. Nana's not exactly a living phenomena," she
started to explain.

"Not exactly a living phenomena? Would you please tell me what the hell
are you talking about," he demanded in frustration.

"She said, I was not exactly a living phenomena, though what I think she
means is, I'm dead, dear boy," the elderly figure proposed.

"What the __?" Bill startled and jumped to his feet at the unfamiliar

"Hi Nana," said a smiling Dana. "This is Bill, my older brother."

"Nu, you think I don't know who this boy is? I wasn't far away last year,
you know. I was here, just in case he needed me. You know that
maydelah, don't you?" Nana asked suddenly, with a hint of concern in her

"Of course I know that Nana. What about now? How much longer do we need
to wait?" she asked with frown lines crossing her forehead.

"Wait a minute, I don't understand. Who is this person? How did you get
in here?" Bill ranted on.

"Bill, shuddup, please. If you can't just accept the fact that Nana is
here, then maybe you should leave. I can't afford to have your doubts
permeating the room," Dana firmly requested.

"So the skeptic's finally become the believer?" he asked.

"Bill, I think I was always a believer. I just didn't have much to
believe in before I met Mulder," she answered.

Just then the nurse returned with a new IV stand. She then began the
process of inserting the IV lines into Mulder's arms. The nurse appeared
to be a little green at doing the procedure. Apparently the head nurse
figured a comatose patient would be the best candidate for her newbie
nurse to practice on. Little did they know that Mulder's personal
physician was also his wife and would protect him from any needless, extra
sticks to insert the IV line.

"Excuse me, but that's the third time you've tried to find the vein. Do
you think you could ask someone else to do it, please?" Scully asked.

"Well, I was instructed to keep doing it until I got it in," replied Nurse

"Yes, but that could cause my husband a great deal of discomfort if you
continue to miss the vein," Dana responded with a little less patience.

"I'm just trying to do my job, ma'am. If you have a problem with me,
you're more than welcomed to see the head nurse. Anne Richards is her
name," responded Nurse Newbie in a slightly tremulous voice.

"I think I will do just that," Dana replied and proceeded to leave the

Nurse Newbie, on the other hand, took that as her cue to continue to stick
Mulder until she got the line in or her supervisor came and stopped her;
whichever came first.

Nana also took that as her cue, for she sensed that Fox was feeling the
pain of the misplaced needles far more than the nurse could have imagined.
"I will see you later, William. Tell Dana I'm going to be with Fox now."

Bill Scully watched, mesmerized, as the silver haired being shimmered into


"No! Please stop!" the child cried out. The needles were as long as any
he'd ever seen before. The white coated staff member drew a long needle
off of the tray and attached it to the hypodermic. He then inserted the
tip of the extra thick needle under his skin and drew the requisite amount
of blood.

Another white coat came and drew some more blood, and then another, and
another, and another. Each time blood was drawn, the needles seemed to
lengthen in size. Fox became more terrified as each white coat appeared.
He felt as though they were going to draw every last drop of blood from

Next they repositioned him in curled up, fetal position. They restrapped
the Velcro restraints so he couldn't move easily. Fox felt his head
pushed downward toward his curled up knees so they touched. He remembered
hearing a very deep, accented voice instruct him sternly to keep
absolutely still, no matter how much it hurt.

When Fox heard there was even a remote possibility of being hurt, he
tensed up even more than normal. The man who gave the directions, a
Russian, yelled at him, "Relax, you will only make it harder on yourself
if you tense up." The youngster began to panic even more and began to
breathe erratically.

"Let's do it," the Russian demanded.

"But shouldn't we wait till he calms down a little?" asked another.

"We don't have the time. Just do it," the brusque voice commanded.

Mulder felt the concentrated pain of the needle go through his back and
then through his spine. His screams were as much a reflection of his
terrified psyche as they were of the agony he was feeling coursing through
his back.

"I'm here shayner boychikel, I'm here," Nana murmured over and over to
him. "I'm holding your hand now, sweet boy, and the pain will leave soon.
I promise sweet boy. Just hold on to me," she repeated to him as if she
were reciting a mantra.

"Help me, Nana. Help me go home," he sobbed.

End of Part 4/10

Life Cycles X: Trust
by Susan Proto (

Disclaimers in Part 1

WARNING! NC17 section coming up!

Part 5/10

Bill and Dana were in the room for over an hour watching Mulder do little
more than breathe, open his eyes, and close his eyes. There was still no
sign of recognition of Scully nor was there yet any reaction to stimuli.

The nurses came back in (though to Scully's relief, not Nurse Newbie) and
asked both Bill and Dana to wait outside while they set up the remaining
monitoring devices and inserted the catheter. Scully looked at the nurses
and started to say that Mulder hated catheters and would probably fight
them tooth and nail on it, but then realized that was probably wishful
thinking on her part at the moment.

After a short while, as they waited outside of the room, Bill and Dana
heard something unexpected from Mulder's room.


Scully rushed back into the room. "What's wrong?" she cried out.

"Mrs. Mulder, I don't understand what happened. I inserted the catheter
and he just started moaning and weeping. I honestly don't think I hurt
him, ma'am, really I don't," said the nurse sincerely.

"Is the catheter in?" Scully asked. When the nurse responded in the
positive, Scully asked them to leave.

"Are you sure? Perhaps one of us should stay," said one of the nurses.
When Scully shook her head, the other nurse told Scully they would page
Mulder's doctor and inform him of this latest development. Both nurses
left the room.

Since Dana had asked Bill to call and check in with Maggie and Walter,
Dana was left alone in the room to soothe Mulder's outcries. Suddenly,
Nana appeared at her side.

"Hello, sweet girl. I can only stay a moment, but I needed to make sure
you were nearby. This is a scary time for our Fox, maydelah. Stay near
him, and just keep telling him you love him no matter what," she explained
in a rush.

"Nana, what's wrong? What's happened to him?" she asked anxiously.

"Dana, it's not for me to discuss, but Fox will need to talk to you about
it at some point in time. Just know it will be very hard for him, very
frightening for him, and let him know you love him no matter what. Okay
shayner maydelah?"

"Yes, Nana. You know I'll always love him, no matter what," was her

"Oh sweetheart, __I __ know it. It's a question of making Fox believe


"We'll need a semen sample," said the round faced, Asian man.

"Yes. He's advanced through enough stages of puberty to make a sample a
viable one," responded the thin faced, German accented man.

One of the attendants was called over and told to put on gloves. He
informed the attendant that a semen sample was needed from the young man,
and the attendant simply nodded and stood near the child.

The attendant never made eye contact with him as he grasped Fox's genitals
in a gentle hold. Fox gasped in a panic as he felt his private parts
become manipulated in a way that only he, himself, had ever done. But that
was always done in private, in secret.

"Oh God, please, don't," said the trembling youngster. The attendant said
nothing. He merely continued to caress the adolescent's penis in a
knowledgeable and productive manner.

"Daddy? Daddy! Why are they doing this? Please! Don't let them do
this? Please? Oh God, Daddy, I don't want this to happen to me," he
pleaded to deaf ears.

The boy's pleas were in direct conflict with his body's reaction to the
very competent and professional, if unemotional, massage his genitals
received. As much as the youngster begged for the manipulation to stop
and protested against this latest violation, he developed an erection.

When Fox realized that his body was betraying his humiliation, Nana
appeared at his side and took his hand into hers.

"Oh God, Nana! NO! Go away, please!" Fox cried out. He felt deeply
ashamed to have his Nana, the one person to whom he turned to in order to
help him in any situation, see him respond to the gropings of the male
attendant. He felt so embarrassed that his body was responding to the

"I don't want them to do this, Nana. Please, believe me. I want them to
stop," he cried.

"Shh, Fox. This is not of your own doing. You can't help what bigger and
stronger men do to you, when they've strapped you down against your will.
You mustn't blame yourself, sweet boy. You have no choice. Your body
has no choice. Don't be ashamed, Fox. You have nothing to be ashamed of,
I swear to you."

The fear and the excitement started to intermingle as Fox's body began to
respond to the proficient ministrations of the attendant's hands. As
Fox's body was brought closer and closer to climax, the agony in the boy's
eyes became more apparent. He was terrified to allow himself to feel the
pleasure of the approaching orgasm.

He couldn't allow himself to look at Nana. He was petrified. He began to
feel some of the most intense sensations he'd ever felt. Fox felt the
muscles in his pelvis begin to contract. He started to breathe more
rapidly. As much as he wanted to say nothing, he found he couldn't keep
the moans silent. A slight sheen of perspiration appeared on the boy's
forehead and beads of sweat lined his upper lip.

Suddenly, Fox felt himself ejaculating the required semen, which the
attendant neatly captured in an appropriately placed, sterilized
container. As the attendant manipulated Fox's penis to assist him in
ejaculating every last drop of semen, the youngster felt his penis become
more flaccid. As his heightened state of sensitivity lessened, the boy
felt no less self-conscious, but simply more numb.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. He couldn't believe how
violated he felt. He couldn't understand how this could happen to him.
He couldn't understand what he'd done to deserve such treatment. He
suddenly felt very tired. He looked to his right and realized his Nana
was still holding his hand, tightly.

"Nana," he called out softly.

"Yes shayner boychikel, I'm here," she responded.

"Why? Why me, Nana?" he asked so sadly.

"I don't know, Fox, but know that I love you, and you will always have
someone to love you. No matter what, sweet boy, there will always be
someone who loves you. Can you hear me, Fox?

"Oy, sweet boy, please, if you don't hear anything else I say, please hear
me say this. You will _always_ have someone who loves you, no matter what
they do to you."

As Fox closed his eyes, tears began to escape, and Nana squeezed his hand
and prayed he heard her.


Bill returned to the room to inform Dana there was no answer at the house.
He found her standing by Mulder's bed, quietly talking to him, as she held
his hand in her own. He could hear her repeat over and over, "I love you,
Mulder. No matter what has happened, I love you. Forever and always, I
love you so much."

Not five minutes later, Walter and Maggie walked in the door. Maggie
carried a sleeping Adam on her shoulder and the oversized "magic bag"
while Walter hauled in the portable playpen and additional diaper bag of

"I know you sent us home," Maggie began, "but I'm sorry, I just couldn't
leave you here alone."

"Umm, Mom, she wasn't exactly alone," Bill interjected.

"Oh, of course not, Bill, but, well, I just couldn't wait at home. I
needed to be here for Fox too," Maggie explained, albeit ineptly.

"It's okay, Mom. I'm sure Bill understands," she said, looking hard at
her brother to make him understand she didn't want nor need tension in the
room at that point.

"Yeah__, sure, I understand," Bill replied appropriately. Dana looked at
Bill and gave him a small smile of thanks.

"Dana, has there been any change?" asked Walter.

"He actually showed a reaction not too long ago," she responded.

"What happened? What had he responded to?" asked Maggie.

"The insertion of the catheter. He began to cry," she quietly answered.

"Oh. Well, he's never liked being poked and prodded, Dana. It's good
that he reacted, isn't it dear?" Maggie remarked.

"Yes, Mom. Of course it is," Dana said. At that moment, Adam woke up with
a wail, looked up, and saw his mother standing nearby him.

"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma," he cried out in staccato like syllables. Dana
reached over and took him into her arms.

"Hello my sweet baby. How's my Adam?" Dana asked with a smile she hugged
and kissed her brown haired, hazel-eyed little man. When she looked at
her son, it was like looking at a smaller version of her husband. Even
the pouty lips were an exact replica of Mulder's. The only obvious Scully
feature the child inherited was the Scully nose, to which everyone
breathed a small sigh of relief.

The child was the best of each of them. Even his temperament was a
blending of each parent's. He had Scully's logical, orderly manner of
discovering the answers to the important questions all eighteen month olds
have, but he had his father's easy laugh and gentle, sensitive
personality. He was the joy of both their lives.

"Ma-ma-ma-ma___, DA! Da-da-da-da-da-da!" he gleefully shouted.

"Yes munchkin, it's your daddy," Dana said with a smile. He squirmed
again and started reaching for Mulder. "You want to give Da a kiss,

Scully bent down near Mulder's head so Adam could reach over and give him
one of his patented goopy, loud kisses. He looked at Mulder with a
slightly quizzical expression and repeated, "Da?"

The baby next looked back at his mother and repeated, "Da?"

Scully looked at her obviously perplexed son and wondered how it was
possible that he could be so perceptive at such a young age. "Oh Adam, Da
will wake up soon. He has to," she whispered while clutching the small
figure fiercely to her cheek.

"Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na," Adam repeated in his own unique way.

"Hello, mine beauty-ful great grandson!" said the delighted voice.

"What?" Dana looked up to see a long haired, silver french braided woman
shimmer into presence. "Nana," Dana greeted, and then she asked, "He's
hurting badly, isn't he?"

"Yes, sweet girl. But Dana, he's being so brave. You would be so proud
of him," Nana said knowingly.

End of part 5/10
On to Life Cycles X:Trust(2/2)